Reasons Why I'm Crazy

People tell me I'm crazy, fun, out there, abnormal, unique...etc. I admit, I am all of these things. Although, I've met far too many crazy people so crazy has to be normal, therefore I can't be classified as abnormal because it's normal to be crazy nowadays. I probably just confused you, but hey, that's me. Confuse or be confused. Now I'm just rambling. Anyways...here's a list of 6 things that drive me bonkers!!!! If you're eating, read this later.

6) Shopping Amongst Sloths: Just as people behind the wheel have road rage, I have mall rage. I need to keep moving. Not at sloth speed, but at a comfortable "I'm gonna get things accomplished" speed.
5) Southern Nail Biters: Okay, biting your fingernails is slightly normal, but when there's no clippers in sight and you feel the need to use your teeth to pick your toes (yes, your toes, people actually do this)...DON'T! Someone seeing you do this completely destroys your ability to make and keep friends, cause they wont forget it! No more hand shaking...no more eating out with people...no more hugging...just awkwardness.
4) Public Feet Fondlers: When you're visiting someone, don't pick your feet and then ask if they need help preparing dinner or making something to drink...They're gonna say NO. No one wants toe jam sandwiches or toe skin tea. Eew!
3) Bad Aim: Yes this ones for the guys. When you use someone else's washroom, AIM! I actually remove the mat in my bathroom when certain people visit to avoid a stank wanked - soggy mat. There's nothing worse than getting your socks soaked with someone else's piss.
2) Repeat Conversation: We've all been in situations where someone's told us a story more than once, but what really gets me fuming mad, is when someone talks to me and says the same thing over and over in different sentences. It's like they think you're back in Kindergarten and you couldn't possibly "get it" if you're only told once. When someone does this to me, I don't even listen after a while. I'm just thinking "I would really love to taser or cattle prod you right now!" Maybe a cattle prod would be best, that way I wont have to be so close to the burning flesh smell.
1) Scab Eaters: This is by far the grossest thing I've ever witnessed. If you've got skin problems fine, but don't eat it! For goodness sakes people, that is so wrong it leaves me nauseous and speechless! It's just utterly GROSS!

Anyone that has to deal with any one of these things on a regular basis will come off as crazy. See?! There's a reason why I turned out this way. Being crazy and seeing people laugh or look at me funny makes me forget the things that drove me nuts all week.