Helpful Hints: Missing Manners

Germ Spreader: It seems like someone around me is always sick. Coughing, sneezing…the works. The other day I was on a bus, and this woman was sneezing like her organs wanted to jump out and coughing like she was going to give birth through her head. I tried to move away after the first time she sprayed me, but there was nowhere to go. The bus was jam packed! I daydreamed the rest of my ride that I had a can of Lysol and was dousing her with it. I guess her mother never taught her to cover her mouth.

Swishy Swishy: There's nothing like a sloppy eater that ruins the appetite. You know what I mean. Those lovely people that slop their food around in their mouth like mouth wash. Do they do this to ensure it's been chewed right and is as close to a liquid as possible? Liquid sandwich...YUCK!

Toothpick No-Nos: When normal people use toothpicks, they pick the tooth and that's it. They don't look at what they've just dislodged from between their chompers. They don't suck it back into their mouth. And they most certainly do not use it as an ear scratcher and then place it back in their mouth! I have recently seen this happen...I was disgusted and nauseated on so many levels.

Rethink That Pit Stick: Some people get comfortable with the same products. I know, I’ve done it. But when you have used the same deodorant since 1960, you need to let loose a little! When your sweat mixes with the gunk and you smell worse than you would if you wore none at all…take the hint. Yes it’s you who smells! Yes I burn scented oils when you stink up my surroundings and yes…I hold my breath to prevent from loosing my lunch in your direction.

There's just one more thing that is bugging me lately. It's not a helpful hint. It's more of a concern really. When you live in an apartment, you often notice the hallway smells to high heaven. It's a mixture of food, personal smells and who knows what else. Well, our hallway smells like adult diapers (there's something more toxic about an adult diaper smell than a baby diaper smell), kitty litter, bleach, musty wood, onion and grease. Why? Why do we have to smell this crap? There seems to be nothing you can do to stop it from eeking into your own apartment either! Do not accumulate used diapers, take out your garbage, use your windows to air out your apartment, clean your kitty litter and take a freakin shower!!!!

Ok, I'm done. If you have none of the issues stated above, have a great day. If you have one or more...please correct the problem for the benefit of others or stay at least fifty yards away from me at all times.