Stink-ity Stank - Good Hygene Is A Must!

Some people wear deodorant or antiperspirant and some choose not to. I don't know what's worse. Using it or not using it!

What's more bearable, used deodorant sweat stank or body odor?

Sometimes I mention the issue, but that depends on the relationship I have with the person. I have no problem telling a sibling or a cousin that they need to shower. Nor do I have any issues telling my close friends that they have toilet paper stuck in the back of their pants. Or mentioning a zipper that needs to be zipped, a shirt that looks bad, a stain, a rogue booger in the nose or eye or offering a piece of gum and responding with a sarcastic "not at all" when they ask if their breath smells.

I really dislike being around smelly people. It's unpleasant. So before you leave the house today be sure to apply deodorant and brush your teeth. Or, don't talk to me. I'm not going to hear a word you're saying while I hold my breath until you're clear of my personal space bubble and I can cover up the stank that you've left behind with scented oils.

It's Cold, It's Milky, It's Drippy

Sometimes I go for a chocolate bar, a bag of chips, chocolates, sour soothers, cookies...but very rarely do I decide to buy an ice cream. I hate when I'm out with friends, and everyone wants to go get ice cream. They all giggle and say "yay, ice cream" like they're 5 again. I just don't get some people's obsession with this dessert food. Here's what I hate about it:

IT'S COLD!
Very cold! I hate that feeling you get when you bite into an ice cold mound. Why would you want to temporarily freeze your teeth? How is that good? I can see how it would be refreshing I guess, in the summer time. But it's still last on my list. I'd rather have iced tea, or a cold beer. At least that warms up to a comfortable temperature once it's hit your mouth.

IT'S MILKY
If I am going to have milk...I'll have milk. Not some whipped, frozen version of it. When I have a peanut butter sandwich, I want milk, when I have a creamy chocolate bar, I want milk. Not ice cream. Milk is supposed to be healthy isn't it? If I want something sweet...I want it to be unhealthy. That's just the way it is.

IT'S DRIPPY
I absolutely hate eating anything that make a mess of me. Like wings, ribs...well any food that has sauce on it that is likely to drip. Ask yourself, what's gonna catch those drips??? Yeah, bang on! Boobs! Every time. They just get in the way, then, everyone looks at you like you're a pig. Hello???!!! It's not my fault. It's the boobies. They just stick out too freakin far!

Anywhoser...I don't like ice cream. So, please, just remember that. I don't like it. So if you are looking for someone to go to the BDI with...call somebody else. I'm not interested. I will however go for Gelate. It comes in a bowl and you eat it with a spoon.

Only Time Will Tell

Just some thoughts on the present situation: I have learned over the last 3 years, that working for a non-profit organization has it's good and bad points. You could say the same about any other job I suppose. But here, people expect you to be a "good Christian" about things, smile and take it. No objections. And when there is an objection, most often, they are a little surprised. You see, they don't want to hire more people. That's more money out the door every month. That alone is frustrating, because things don't get done properly or to the best they can be when you have someone new every year, learning how to do things for the first time. Things get lost in the mix that way.

This isn't something that's going to change anytime soon. I wish this place ran a bit more like a business. It makes sense to me. There's always someone that knows exactly what's happening with every aspect of the work place. Plus, it's just more proffessional, more organized. Non-profit organization doesn't have to mean, non-profit...so no organization. And yeah, if some of the people I work with see this...they'll be frustrated with what I've noted here. But they are also free to have their own opinions.

While it's nice to work for a good cause...I don't think it'll be what I do for the rest of my life. I'm hoping things will change. Only time will tell.

Best Email Joke EVER!

You gotta love it when someone asks you a stupid question. People do it to make conversation I suppose, not realizing how dumb they've just made themselves look.

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had,an elephant? Since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse I told her no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her it was essentially a perfect diet and the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry - the food is nutritionally complete - so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore

My Rude-aholic Self

Yeah...I have diagnosed myself. Rude-aholic. Most people who know me, know that I do enjoy a few rude comments here and there.

An inner struggle breaks out in my head at times. No, I'm not hearing voices! Basically, if someone is talking to me, and I really don't feel like listening or they're not making any sense, I say things in my head, hoping that person will understand and leave me alone. It never works. Which is disappointing. But I guess on some level I am learning to be patient.

Don't worry, those of you who read this blog are not in this annoying category...most of the time. Ha ha. No seriously.

Some days I just wish I could be outwardly rude. Like tell the person babbling "I don't care." Or "Give me your phone number so we can pretend that I will call you so you can tell me more about this useless crap with your annoying voice and irritating habits."

I can't be the only one on this planet that feels like this! Maybe this is just one of those subjects that people keep to themselves. You know...something people bottle up. While I do occasionally do some bottling of things, I am not a fan of the outcome, which is an explosion of rudeness in it's purest form. I think it's good to just get it out before you get to that lethal stage. Where all you can think about is shaking the person or giving them a good karate chop to the neck.

My problem is that I can't just let it out with people I see all the time. It just wont work. It will make things awkward and anger me more because said people will try to resolve the situation. But the thing they're not taking into consideration is...their whole being is annoying and/or nauseating and that's too difficult to even bother with! Plus, I think I like to be angry sometimes. Like while I'm cleaning, I always clean my apartment much better when I am enraged.

Yeah I know...this is all crap and I should kick myself in the ass for sharing it. You win some you lose some. This is me, but you knew this...you just never knew how deep the rude-aholic disease went. Feel free to stop talking to me out of fear that my brain will use your conversation as an excuse to use telepathic messages to hint that you should leave me alone.

...end of babble

Who would buy these??

Ok, so Sam and I go shopping the other day and as we walk through the mall to get back to the car we saw these. We felt they were stupid enough to deserve a picture. Seriously...why are stores selling things like this?? Who would buy them? Can you imagine the tan lines you'd get from wearing these? Every year people come up with idiotic things like this...you gotta wonder what their mental state is. You'd have to be nuts to spend money on these!

The house I grew up in...

Through the years my Mom's house has become more and more run down. I have plenty of stories about mice, squirrels, mold and more. Don't read the following stories if you have a weak stomach.

Story #1 - Go Nuts For M&M's
I remember a while back when I was about 20. My room was in the basement, so I could hear when the mice were running around upstairs. For a few nights, there was a little more action than normal but I thought nothing of it. I started to noticed pieces of chocolate all around the couch.When I pulled back the cushion I was in shock. There was A LOT of mouse poop! I was so grossed out. It also looked like the mice had played inside the cushions because they were all chewed up in the corners. Lori had left a bag of peanut M&M's on the couch and they had ravaged through it. So I vacuumed it up...it was like vacuuming up a bunch of paper clips. I made a point of telling Lori it was her fault. What are big sisters for?!!

Story #2 - The Cover Up
I was 18, and I had just come home from school for lunch. I decided to relax in front of the tv. Half an hour passes and I start hearing this slapping noise. Like an elastic band hitting the floor. After a few minutes of it, I realized it was coming from the kitchen. So I check it out. MOUSE!!! At this point my body overheats from disgust. When mice eat the poison, they dry up from the inside. It was paralyzed on one side and jumping a little every few seconds. As it did this, it left a trail of blood on the floor and wall. When it stopped jumping, I put a plastic bag on the end of a bent coat hanger and covered it.. It was a nice surprise for my mom to come home to.

Hmmm...I'm thinking this is enough for you to handle for now.

Now to get to my point. Mom made the decision to renovate the house late last year. And it's coming along nicely. Although, the guys doing the renovations aren't the most proffessional...the work they contracted out looks great! The outside of the house is awesome! Siding, roofing, eaves troughs....inside she has new cupboards in the kitchen, a new bathroom, carpeting (It's strange that all that red shag is gone), laminated flooring, a new front door (hence the peephole pic)...Check it out...